Cavalcade

Cavalcade
1933

Here the thing about history. It’s in the past right, so it doesn’t really matter! You can’t change it; you can only change the future, so why should you sit down and watch a two hour history on England? Why?

The only logical reason I can think of is because it won Best Picture for some unknown reason and as a crazy person you have decided to watch all of said Best Pictures, thus forcing yourself into watching a boring, long, tedious, drawn out movie.

Tonight, I was tortured by such a film. And, on top of the film itself being horrid, I had to watch it all by my little lonesome self, a thing I hate to do most terribly. But this is what happens when you sign yourself up to watch 83 movies. It’s dreadful really.

Cavalcade, spans roughly three decades, focusing on this small circle of people. They go to war, they get married, people die, and they go to war again. That’s basically the whole movie right there! Doesn’t that sound just like something you’ve always been dying to watch?

Cavalcade means series of events, which is what this movie was. But it was awful series of events. If there was a good character in this movie, they were killed off. Funny son? The war got him. Other son and random wife? Drowned on the Titanic. Drunk butler? I don’t even get to know how he dies! It’s rather depressing come to think about it. One minute he was wandering the streets and then the next he’s dead on the ground. This is quite puzzling. Poor butler.

As for quality of this movie, it was what you would expect from a typical 30’s movie. Now, here is one thing that truly bothers me about old movies.

The way everyone kisses. They look like fish eating each other. How is this romantic I ask? As I watched this movie I could not help but think of tuna. It was disturbing.

Other than that the acting was nothing out of the ordinary. One lady had a crooked noise, but now I think I am just picking on movie I didn’t like. She also had bad hair. Really bad hair. I felt sorry for that lady.

Have I mentioned yet how boring this film was? There was this one scene that in order to represent four years of war the same people marched across the screen and died over and over and over again for five minutes. I am very much so not kidding. The characters, well the ones lucky enough to live, were as boring as vanilla pudding. Believe me; nothing is more boring than vanilla pudding. There were song numbers about how depressing the times were. It doesn’t get worse than this.

What baffles me is that this actually won Best Picture. I mean, seriously. The pickings that year must have been real sucky for this to have been considered the best of the best. I am traumatized by the killings of good characters and much bad kissing, and it is all this movie’s fault.

*Sigh. What did I get myself into?