Ben Hur

Ben Hur
1959

*Yawn.

I yawn for two reasons. One, I am writing this at eleven fifteen at night. Would you like to know why? Because Ben Hur decided to be 212 minutes long that’s why. Guess who really doesn’t like Ben Hur?

Reason number two for yawning is out of those 212 minutes, exactly ten of those were interesting! This is where you feel extremely sorry for me. Roughly three hours of my life was stolen tonight.

Judah Ben Hur is this rich Jew. He has this Roman friend whose name is too hard to spell. So they were best buddies until Roman friend went mean and asked Judah to betray his people.

While watching this I drank AMP. I really don’t care about Judah that much and don’t feel about explaining his story. I’d much rather talk about squirrels. Aren’t they cute? I think their tails are quite bushy. But, because I am a nice person, I will go back to Judah. I may get side tracked again.

Because Roman friend is all bitter about Judah sticking with his people, when Judah’s sister knocks some tile onto the governor of Rome’s head, Roman friend throws them all in jail, even though it was an accident. Judah ends up on a ship for three years rowing. His mom, who was randomly thrown in prison too, and sister wind up with leprosy rotting in jail.

While on the pretty little ship, Judah’s hate for his Roman Friend impresses this roman general who ends up saving Judah’s life when the boat sinks. Judah then saves the man from drowning. When they get back to land Judah is given to him as his slave and then adopted as his son.

Oh! Speaking of slaves! Judah had this slave! She wanted to get married. So he gave her her freedom and kissed her since she didn’t love the guy. This is important and I just remembered her.

Anywho… Judah misses his mom and sister and wants to go home.

This is getting as boring to write as the movie. You know what else is cute. Cows! Have you ever really looked at a cow nose? It’s just adorable! And their eyes are just so big and brown and… cow like. It’s beautiful really. Cows. I want one.

While he’s been in Rome Judah learned to be a really good chariot racer. So he decides to go home, meets a guy who owns horses on the way and enters a race to beat Roman Friend. In the race Roman Friend gets trampled and dies. I just covered an hour of movie time in two sentences! Be impressed!

But Judah’s hate has not died with Roman Friend! Because he now knows his mom and sister have leprosy. And he’s pretty ticked off about it. Especially since his girlfriend didn’t tell him. But it’s okay because Jesus randomly comes in, and while he’s being crucified not only heals the mom and sister, he also takes away Judah’s bitterness. Yay happy endings!

Oh my goodness gracious. I have never dreaded watching a movie before. Actually I lied. I am dreading seeing Eclipse, because, um Twilight is a fail, but I really digress. Other than that, I’ve never dreaded seeing a movie before! Because I have had the misfortune of seeing this movie many many a time. And every single time I go, “Why me?”

It’s just so dang long. And soooooooooooo boring. Besides the part where the ships start hitting each other and the chariot race I really would have rather watched paint dry. Really.

Actually the chariot scenes were icky. People kept getting run over by horses. That’s no fun to watch.

To me, the story was just rather unappealing. There was absolutely no need for it to be so long. They could have cut some things out. It is just very ironic to me that this film won the award for Best Editing. I highly doubt any actually went on.

As for everything else in the film it was fine. Judah’s girlfriend was an awful actor. Awful. Everyone else was fine though.

I like horses. They are pretty. I don’t like riding them though. I really should stop rabbit trailing like this. Maybe I should stop loading up on sugar before I watching movies and sit down to write stuff. It might just be a good idea.