Gigi

Gigi
1958

Once upon at time, not too long ago, there lived this very sad, young, and might I say attractive, girl. Why was she sad, you may wonder? Because it seemed like lately all she had been watching were movies that made her want to poke out her own eyeballs with a blunt stick, just so she would never have to suffer through an excruciating film again. I can assure you; these movies were really that bad. But this girl seemed to find a glimmer of hope. A light at the end of the tunnel you could call it. She was very excited to watch this movie, and be so entranced with it that she would soon forget all the horrid movies she had seen in her past. As she sat down to watch Gigi, her dreams and hopes for a good piece of cinema came crashing down at an alarming rate.

First of all, she thought this movie was extremely hard to understand. As it was set in Paris, understandably everyone had a French accent. This is not always a bad thing, but when it makes a film so that you can’t hear what the characters are saying unless you have subtitles on, these accents become something of the devil, or so the young and attractive but sad girl thought.

Besides the speech, the story made little sense as well. Gigi, the main character (dur) is being raised by her grandmother because her mother is off her rocker. She is an opera singer, and a very bad one at that. So poor Gigi is forced to live with her grandma, whose ideas are bizarre. She doesn’t seem to like the idea of marriage and would rather train Gigi, with the help of her equally odd sister, to be a courtesan. But once a guy nearly twice Gigi’s age starts showing interest in her and asks to marry her they suddenly change their minds and marriage is alright by them. This made the girl sadly watching this movie’s brain hurt quite a bit! Why would they change so suddenly? Why didn’t they like the idea of marriage in the first place? Why are they all so hard to understand? These must be added to the many unanswered questions the girl had about life, such as why cats always land on their feet or why there is only one shoe out of a pair on the side of the highway. These questions are enough to keep people up all night.

Finally, the two hours of torture were done. The young and attractive but sad girl sighed a great sigh of relief as she remembered she would never have to watch such a strange and uninteresting movie again. But as she realized the next film on her list was likely going to be just as terrible, she collapsed on the ground and cried for three days straight. Thus ends this tragic tale I have told you today.