Cavalcade
1933
Here the thing about history. It’s in the past right, so it doesn’t really matter! You can’t change it; you can only change the future, so why should you sit down and watch a two hour history on England? Why?
The only logical reason I can think of is because it won Best Picture for some unknown reason and as a crazy person you have decided to watch all of said Best Pictures, thus forcing yourself into watching a boring, long, tedious, drawn out movie.
Tonight, I was tortured by such a film. And, on top of the film itself being horrid, I had to watch it all by my little lonesome self, a thing I hate to do most terribly. But this is what happens when you sign yourself up to watch 83 movies. It’s dreadful really.
Cavalcade, spans roughly three decades, focusing on this small circle of people. They go to war, they get married, people die, and they go to war again. That’s basically the whole movie right there! Doesn’t that sound just like something you’ve always been dying to watch?
Cavalcade means series of events, which is what this movie was. But it was awful series of events. If there was a good character in this movie, they were killed off. Funny son? The war got him. Other son and random wife? Drowned on the Titanic. Drunk butler? I don’t even get to know how he dies! It’s rather depressing come to think about it. One minute he was wandering the streets and then the next he’s dead on the ground. This is quite puzzling. Poor butler.
As for quality of this movie, it was what you would expect from a typical 30’s movie. Now, here is one thing that truly bothers me about old movies.
The way everyone kisses. They look like fish eating each other. How is this romantic I ask? As I watched this movie I could not help but think of tuna. It was disturbing.
Other than that the acting was nothing out of the ordinary. One lady had a crooked noise, but now I think I am just picking on movie I didn’t like. She also had bad hair. Really bad hair. I felt sorry for that lady.
Have I mentioned yet how boring this film was? There was this one scene that in order to represent four years of war the same people marched across the screen and died over and over and over again for five minutes. I am very much so not kidding. The characters, well the ones lucky enough to live, were as boring as vanilla pudding. Believe me; nothing is more boring than vanilla pudding. There were song numbers about how depressing the times were. It doesn’t get worse than this.
What baffles me is that this actually won Best Picture. I mean, seriously. The pickings that year must have been real sucky for this to have been considered the best of the best. I am traumatized by the killings of good characters and much bad kissing, and it is all this movie’s fault.
*Sigh. What did I get myself into?
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
In the Heat of the Night
In the Heat of the Night
1967
I currently have something wonderful. It is truly amazing. It is probably the most fantastic thing on the planet. You want to know what it is?
Fudge. I have fudge. I love fudge so much. I have Butterfinger fudge and bubblegum fudge. That’s right. Bubblegum. It’s bright pink, full of marshmallows, and every times you take a bite of it you can just feel the sugar rushing into your system. It’s truly the most delightful thing in the world, my fudge, which I have.
Now, you may be wondering, “What the heck does fudge have to do with In the Heat of the Night?” Well, my good friends let me tell you!
Absolutely nothing! Isn’t that fabulous?
You know what else is fabulous? In the Heat of the Night. I cannot recall a time that a movie has so fascinated me. Truly, it was amazing.
The movie starts out in little Sparta, Mississippi. Mississippi is SO much fun to type. Heehee. Oh my, the sugar is starting to hit now. Stupid delicious fudge.
Anyway, there’s been a murder. So because it was the sixties and the South they immediately arrest the random black guy who just happened to be hanging out at the train station. Aren’t these folks just dandy?
But they messed with the wrong guy. He just happens to be a police officer from Philadelphia, and also just happens to be an expert homicide dude. His name is Virgil Tibbs. But you can call him Mr. Tibbs.
Mr. Tibbs is told by his chief, after they have straightened everything out, to stay and help them out, because honestly they are just idiots and don’t know what they are doing. Very, very, very against his will Mr. Tibbs agrees. I don’t honestly blame him I wouldn’t want to stay if I were him.
After he continuously shows how faulty their thinking and evidence is, Mr. Tibbs begins to earn their respect as they look past his skin color and see the excellent officer beneath. But goodness it took a long time. After they finally smartened (Huh, that’s an actual word) up, they catch the killer, who I will refuse to tell. Because then that would just ruin the movie and I actually like this one too much to do that. THE END.
This movie, just as a crime drama, was great. My cousin, my fabulous movie watching partner for this time around, and I were literally sitting on the edge of our seats just waiting to see what would happen next. You never expect the ending and that makes it brilliant.
But this movie is more than just a simple murder mystery. We must remember that this came out in the 1960’s, a time where racism was at an extreme. It just angered me to watch a group of men beat up another fellow human just because his skin was a different color than theirs and that somehow in their brains made them better.
Putting the theme aside, on a critical level this film exceeded as well. The acting was phenomenal. Rob Steiger, who played the police chief of the town, won a Best Actor award for his performance, and he deserved it. Sidney Poitier was equally good as Mr. Tibbs. Or Virgil, as he was usually called. I just prefer to call him MISTER TIBBS! Their respect for each other seemed to grow naturally throughout the film and I thought they worked very well together.
Now that I have finished blogging this movie, I am not sure what to do. Really I’m quite bored now. I think I’ll go eat more fudge.
1967
I currently have something wonderful. It is truly amazing. It is probably the most fantastic thing on the planet. You want to know what it is?
Fudge. I have fudge. I love fudge so much. I have Butterfinger fudge and bubblegum fudge. That’s right. Bubblegum. It’s bright pink, full of marshmallows, and every times you take a bite of it you can just feel the sugar rushing into your system. It’s truly the most delightful thing in the world, my fudge, which I have.
Now, you may be wondering, “What the heck does fudge have to do with In the Heat of the Night?” Well, my good friends let me tell you!
Absolutely nothing! Isn’t that fabulous?
You know what else is fabulous? In the Heat of the Night. I cannot recall a time that a movie has so fascinated me. Truly, it was amazing.
The movie starts out in little Sparta, Mississippi. Mississippi is SO much fun to type. Heehee. Oh my, the sugar is starting to hit now. Stupid delicious fudge.
Anyway, there’s been a murder. So because it was the sixties and the South they immediately arrest the random black guy who just happened to be hanging out at the train station. Aren’t these folks just dandy?
But they messed with the wrong guy. He just happens to be a police officer from Philadelphia, and also just happens to be an expert homicide dude. His name is Virgil Tibbs. But you can call him Mr. Tibbs.
Mr. Tibbs is told by his chief, after they have straightened everything out, to stay and help them out, because honestly they are just idiots and don’t know what they are doing. Very, very, very against his will Mr. Tibbs agrees. I don’t honestly blame him I wouldn’t want to stay if I were him.
After he continuously shows how faulty their thinking and evidence is, Mr. Tibbs begins to earn their respect as they look past his skin color and see the excellent officer beneath. But goodness it took a long time. After they finally smartened (Huh, that’s an actual word) up, they catch the killer, who I will refuse to tell. Because then that would just ruin the movie and I actually like this one too much to do that. THE END.
This movie, just as a crime drama, was great. My cousin, my fabulous movie watching partner for this time around, and I were literally sitting on the edge of our seats just waiting to see what would happen next. You never expect the ending and that makes it brilliant.
But this movie is more than just a simple murder mystery. We must remember that this came out in the 1960’s, a time where racism was at an extreme. It just angered me to watch a group of men beat up another fellow human just because his skin was a different color than theirs and that somehow in their brains made them better.
Putting the theme aside, on a critical level this film exceeded as well. The acting was phenomenal. Rob Steiger, who played the police chief of the town, won a Best Actor award for his performance, and he deserved it. Sidney Poitier was equally good as Mr. Tibbs. Or Virgil, as he was usually called. I just prefer to call him MISTER TIBBS! Their respect for each other seemed to grow naturally throughout the film and I thought they worked very well together.
Now that I have finished blogging this movie, I am not sure what to do. Really I’m quite bored now. I think I’ll go eat more fudge.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Terms of Endearment
Terms of Endearment
1983
Never before have I not known how I have felt about a movie. If you know me, you know I am a highly opinionated individual, and this is not usual. But I honestly don’t know what to do with Terms of Endearment. The characters aren’t very likeable, and yet there is something about this movie that is compelling and worth watching. I don’t quite know what though.
The film is about life, and the relationship between a mother and daughter. Aurora, the mother, is mean and cold. Emma, the daughter I wouldn’t say is nice, but certainly is much different than her mother. Now, when I say Aurora is mean, I mean she didn’t go to Emma’s wedding because she didn’t like her husband. She’s borderline evil. But they move on from that and continue to be close through life’s ups and downs even though they are miles apart sometimes.
The end of my plot summary!
Obviously, more happens, but, I just don’t fell like sharing. Because, A) I am slightly lazy and a lot does happen in this movie and B) if I continued it would ruin it and then no one would ever want to see this film. And I think it’s a good idea to see this movie. Maybe. I am still not really sure I liked it, but I do think it was worth seeing. The acting in it was phenomenal. Jack Nicholson was great as slightly out of his mind astronaut. Of course then when isn’t he great as a crazy man? Shirley Maclaine was brilliant as the unlikeable Aurora. It is hard to portray a character like hers and make us feel sorry for her, but in the end we do.
I don’t know. I realize this is super super short and all, but this is what I have to say. I don’t really have a strong opinion on this movie, but its quality was good, if that makes any sense whatsoever.
Meh. I don’t know.
1983
Never before have I not known how I have felt about a movie. If you know me, you know I am a highly opinionated individual, and this is not usual. But I honestly don’t know what to do with Terms of Endearment. The characters aren’t very likeable, and yet there is something about this movie that is compelling and worth watching. I don’t quite know what though.
The film is about life, and the relationship between a mother and daughter. Aurora, the mother, is mean and cold. Emma, the daughter I wouldn’t say is nice, but certainly is much different than her mother. Now, when I say Aurora is mean, I mean she didn’t go to Emma’s wedding because she didn’t like her husband. She’s borderline evil. But they move on from that and continue to be close through life’s ups and downs even though they are miles apart sometimes.
The end of my plot summary!
Obviously, more happens, but, I just don’t fell like sharing. Because, A) I am slightly lazy and a lot does happen in this movie and B) if I continued it would ruin it and then no one would ever want to see this film. And I think it’s a good idea to see this movie. Maybe. I am still not really sure I liked it, but I do think it was worth seeing. The acting in it was phenomenal. Jack Nicholson was great as slightly out of his mind astronaut. Of course then when isn’t he great as a crazy man? Shirley Maclaine was brilliant as the unlikeable Aurora. It is hard to portray a character like hers and make us feel sorry for her, but in the end we do.
I don’t know. I realize this is super super short and all, but this is what I have to say. I don’t really have a strong opinion on this movie, but its quality was good, if that makes any sense whatsoever.
Meh. I don’t know.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Tom Jones
Tom Jones
1963
Tom Jones is a slut.
I am sorry, but it’s true. In the movie named after him he sleeps with many different people, at least six times in the two hours the film takes place. The only girl he doesn’t have sex with is the girl who truly loves. No, he would rather go behind her back and mess around because her father frowned upon him.
Tom Jones is an unlikeable “hero.” I only call him that because the narrator does. He’s lazy and unfaithful and yet everyone loves. But besides being a moral fail, he also has no clue who his parents are. This means he cannot marry Sophie, the girl of his dreams. So what does he do?
He drinks and sleeps around and has a grand old time. Oh such a great example he is for us.
After all of his antics, everyone has become fed up with him and he gets kicked out on the road. Oh poor him. I feel oh so sorry for Tom. In case you cannot tell I am being extremely sarcastic.
As he is going along, he meets up with a woman who he sleeps with. They go to London together and she just kind of disappears. But that’s okay. He has found a new girl.
This girl is friends with Sophie though and is totally aware he is supposed to like Sophie. But she sleeps with him a few times anyway. He ends up proposing marriage to her, just so she will leave him alone and it works.
Can I just pause and say that this movie is ridiculously screwed up? How on earth can Tom think what he does is perfectly fine and dandy, unless he is a little off in the head? Hmm maybe that’s it.
So the lady turns the proposal down and tells Sophie about it. Sophie then tells Tom she never ever wants to hear of him again. He seems fine with that. Stupid Tom.
Tom then is accused of stealing from some random guy and set to be hung. Right as he is walking up, everyone finds out he is the nephew of the guy he’s been living with and therefore his heir. So now he can marry Sophie!
Except he’s going to be dead. That would put a damper on their wedding.
So to save the day, the lady he slept with while traveling to London, turns out to be married to the guy who pressed charges against Tom. So the charges are now dropped because of her and Tom lives. He rushes back, finds out who he is, and Sophie readily takes him back. The end.
This movie annoyed me. The score was irritating. I have never been so bothered by music before, but geez this was awful. It was just like dink tink in your ear the whole time, played by some horrid instrument that sounded strangely like a piano, but just couldn’t be. Tom Jones, played by Albert Finney, was annoying. He just could do whatever he wanted in life and everything worked out splendidly for him. None of the supporting characters knew how to enunciate words at all. Everything was terrible.
The most disturbing part for me is that after Tom betrayed her love so many times, Sophie took him back anyway. That was such a stupid thing to do. There is no way he’ll change. He would just keep sleeping around, but it would be even worse now that he was married. It was an idiotic move on Sophie’s part. She could have done so much better.
I felt nothing but hate throughout the movie for Tom. A good movie makes us love the protagonist, makes us want him to win. When he was just about to hang and there were three minutes left, I was so hoping he actually died. It would have been a better ending to this atrocity of a movie.
1963
Tom Jones is a slut.
I am sorry, but it’s true. In the movie named after him he sleeps with many different people, at least six times in the two hours the film takes place. The only girl he doesn’t have sex with is the girl who truly loves. No, he would rather go behind her back and mess around because her father frowned upon him.
Tom Jones is an unlikeable “hero.” I only call him that because the narrator does. He’s lazy and unfaithful and yet everyone loves. But besides being a moral fail, he also has no clue who his parents are. This means he cannot marry Sophie, the girl of his dreams. So what does he do?
He drinks and sleeps around and has a grand old time. Oh such a great example he is for us.
After all of his antics, everyone has become fed up with him and he gets kicked out on the road. Oh poor him. I feel oh so sorry for Tom. In case you cannot tell I am being extremely sarcastic.
As he is going along, he meets up with a woman who he sleeps with. They go to London together and she just kind of disappears. But that’s okay. He has found a new girl.
This girl is friends with Sophie though and is totally aware he is supposed to like Sophie. But she sleeps with him a few times anyway. He ends up proposing marriage to her, just so she will leave him alone and it works.
Can I just pause and say that this movie is ridiculously screwed up? How on earth can Tom think what he does is perfectly fine and dandy, unless he is a little off in the head? Hmm maybe that’s it.
So the lady turns the proposal down and tells Sophie about it. Sophie then tells Tom she never ever wants to hear of him again. He seems fine with that. Stupid Tom.
Tom then is accused of stealing from some random guy and set to be hung. Right as he is walking up, everyone finds out he is the nephew of the guy he’s been living with and therefore his heir. So now he can marry Sophie!
Except he’s going to be dead. That would put a damper on their wedding.
So to save the day, the lady he slept with while traveling to London, turns out to be married to the guy who pressed charges against Tom. So the charges are now dropped because of her and Tom lives. He rushes back, finds out who he is, and Sophie readily takes him back. The end.
This movie annoyed me. The score was irritating. I have never been so bothered by music before, but geez this was awful. It was just like dink tink in your ear the whole time, played by some horrid instrument that sounded strangely like a piano, but just couldn’t be. Tom Jones, played by Albert Finney, was annoying. He just could do whatever he wanted in life and everything worked out splendidly for him. None of the supporting characters knew how to enunciate words at all. Everything was terrible.
The most disturbing part for me is that after Tom betrayed her love so many times, Sophie took him back anyway. That was such a stupid thing to do. There is no way he’ll change. He would just keep sleeping around, but it would be even worse now that he was married. It was an idiotic move on Sophie’s part. She could have done so much better.
I felt nothing but hate throughout the movie for Tom. A good movie makes us love the protagonist, makes us want him to win. When he was just about to hang and there were three minutes left, I was so hoping he actually died. It would have been a better ending to this atrocity of a movie.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Grand Hotel
Grand Hotel
1932
The Grand Hotel! “A place where nothing ever happens.”
Oh, how this quote could not be truer. Because as I watched this Best Picture winner, I cannot remember I a time a movie has bored me so dreadfully. Even my dear old mother, who watched this film with me, was frightfully bored out of her wits during this movie. Once we began to play on Facebook it was a whole lot better.
The movie was about intersecting lives. Do you know what that means? Lots of characters to keep track of, and very little plot to keep us interested. We have the suicidal crazy overdramatic ballerina. We have the thieving baron. Also we have the poor but funny and pretty stenographer and a dying man who’s just blowing his money.
The baron and the stenographer meet and hit it off. He asks her to dance with him the next night and she agrees. But the baron’s a jerk. He’s in love with the ballerina, but they’ve never spoken. He just thinks she’s pretty. Oh there is some depth for you. He just breaks into her room to breathe the air she breaths. Can you say creepy? He also breaks in to steal her pearl necklace. It’s a very weird love I suppose.
The sick man decides to become best friends with the baron. I am not sure why, the baron is a creeper who steals from people.
So, the baron is going to steal the necklace. But as he is in her room, the ballerina comes in and is right about to shoot herself. So out comes the baron, and he begs her not to kill herself because he loves her. She says okay.
This is ENTIRELY RIDICULOUS. If I saw a guy hiding in my room while I wasn’t there, especially one that I didn’t know, professing his undying love to me, I would not be cool with it. I would scream for help as there was a psycho in my room. But no. The ballerina is just insane. So, I guess she deserves the baron.
But the poor baron while he’s off professing love forgot about the poor stenographer. I like the stenographer. She actually has personality and is the only thing of interest in the whole movie. And she’s sarcastic which is just an added bonus.
So down the baron goes racing to the stenographer. They dance and he tells her that he found love. Well isn’t that just a dandy thing to hear on a first date. The jerk of a baron then makes her dance with the sick man and ditches her. I hate the baron.
Which is why I don’t feel bad when he attempts to steal the REALLY scary looking guys wallet, and the scary guy kills him for it. He totally had it coming. The ballerina is now really sad because she loved him. The stenographer didn’t care he was a thief; she loved him too.
This is so messed up. Just once in my life I would like a realistic presentation of love in a movie. Is it really that hard to ask for? Apparently.
In the end, the ballerina randomly disappeared and the sick man and the stenographer run off to Paris together. This is entirely disgusting, as he is old enough to be her father.
That was a full length two hour film. It was sheer torture. The ballerina acted overdramatically. Everyone mumbled and it was hard to hear what they were saying. The hotel itself was disappointing in grandness. This movie did absolutely nothing to deserve the title Best Picture and I really wish I had those two hours back.
1932
The Grand Hotel! “A place where nothing ever happens.”
Oh, how this quote could not be truer. Because as I watched this Best Picture winner, I cannot remember I a time a movie has bored me so dreadfully. Even my dear old mother, who watched this film with me, was frightfully bored out of her wits during this movie. Once we began to play on Facebook it was a whole lot better.
The movie was about intersecting lives. Do you know what that means? Lots of characters to keep track of, and very little plot to keep us interested. We have the suicidal crazy overdramatic ballerina. We have the thieving baron. Also we have the poor but funny and pretty stenographer and a dying man who’s just blowing his money.
The baron and the stenographer meet and hit it off. He asks her to dance with him the next night and she agrees. But the baron’s a jerk. He’s in love with the ballerina, but they’ve never spoken. He just thinks she’s pretty. Oh there is some depth for you. He just breaks into her room to breathe the air she breaths. Can you say creepy? He also breaks in to steal her pearl necklace. It’s a very weird love I suppose.
The sick man decides to become best friends with the baron. I am not sure why, the baron is a creeper who steals from people.
So, the baron is going to steal the necklace. But as he is in her room, the ballerina comes in and is right about to shoot herself. So out comes the baron, and he begs her not to kill herself because he loves her. She says okay.
This is ENTIRELY RIDICULOUS. If I saw a guy hiding in my room while I wasn’t there, especially one that I didn’t know, professing his undying love to me, I would not be cool with it. I would scream for help as there was a psycho in my room. But no. The ballerina is just insane. So, I guess she deserves the baron.
But the poor baron while he’s off professing love forgot about the poor stenographer. I like the stenographer. She actually has personality and is the only thing of interest in the whole movie. And she’s sarcastic which is just an added bonus.
So down the baron goes racing to the stenographer. They dance and he tells her that he found love. Well isn’t that just a dandy thing to hear on a first date. The jerk of a baron then makes her dance with the sick man and ditches her. I hate the baron.
Which is why I don’t feel bad when he attempts to steal the REALLY scary looking guys wallet, and the scary guy kills him for it. He totally had it coming. The ballerina is now really sad because she loved him. The stenographer didn’t care he was a thief; she loved him too.
This is so messed up. Just once in my life I would like a realistic presentation of love in a movie. Is it really that hard to ask for? Apparently.
In the end, the ballerina randomly disappeared and the sick man and the stenographer run off to Paris together. This is entirely disgusting, as he is old enough to be her father.
That was a full length two hour film. It was sheer torture. The ballerina acted overdramatically. Everyone mumbled and it was hard to hear what they were saying. The hotel itself was disappointing in grandness. This movie did absolutely nothing to deserve the title Best Picture and I really wish I had those two hours back.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Titanic
Titanic
1997
I have a confession to make. Hidden very, very, VERY deep down inside of me is a hopeless romantic who rarely sees the light of day. This said romantic only comes out when out when a love story is so beautiful you can’t help but go “Aw.” Only three movies have had this effect on me. One is Say Anything. Second, The Nightmare Before Christmas. The third, Titanic.
Before we go into anything, I must tell you this. THE BOAT SINKS. Okay? If you didn’t know that, you don’t have enough brains to deserve to live. I’m sorry.
Anywho, the story begins with this ancient lady discovering that a drawing has been found from the ship Titanic. It’s of a naked lady. So she calls the people who found it and tells them it was her. As she gets on the boat and meets up with the people, she launches into a three hour story of what happened aboard the Titanic.
Rose is a society girl destined to be married to a horrible, and might I add ugly, rich man. She doesn’t love him, so decides to jump off the edge of the Titanic. But! She’s not alone! Jack, a poor but amazing guy who only is here because he won his ticket in a hand of poker, is right behind her. He tells her not to jump and eventually saves her life. He’s invited to dinner with her family and before you know it! They’re in love. Aw.
They have loads of fun like dancing with the lower class people, pretending to fly, learning to spit, and been drawn naked. Well almost. She was wearing the really big and expensive necklace her fiancée gave her.
But then, of course, the stupid people don’t have stupid binoculars and they hit the stupid iceberg and the stupid boat begins to sink. It’s all rather stupid.
While the ship starts to sink Rose’s stupid family think Jack has stolen the necklace and has him locked up in the basement. Then everyone heads to the boats. Poor Jack.
The boats are women and children only so Rose and her mom get ready to go. But Rose realizes she can’t leave Jack. She loves him. Yay! I don’t care how illogical of a choice that is it makes me happy. She goes and saves Jack from the perilous basement. After fighting their way up, they find another boat, which is, again, women and children only. Rose gets on, looks at Jack, and leaps back. This made Rose, not the character, the real person sitting next to me the whole time, rather annoyed, but it made me feel pretty dandy!
The boat goes down. Jack dies from freezing water. *Sniff. Rose survives because he gave her the piece of ship and she was out of the water.
In the end, back with old Rose, we find out she still has the necklace, the priceless, necklace. And you know what she does with it? SHE DROPS IT IN THE OCEAN! Where is it now? At the bottom of the ocean? With Britney Spears? (If you get that, you rock) Rose is an idiot.
But she ends up dying, and goes to heaven, were she is reunited with Jack. The end.
I loved this movie. It’s a rare movie that can be over three hours long and not feel like it. The technicals of the movie, ie cinematography, special effects, are beautiful. The Titanic is dazzling in the movie. The chemistry between Kate Winslet, Rose, and Leonardo DiCaprio, Jack, is perfect. The whole movie was just really good.
It is a rare movie, for me, that is about romance and enjoyable. I don’t really know why, but even though Rose and Jack knew each other only two days, it seemed believable and lovely. For just this once I don’t particularly care if it’s unrealistic. When it’s done as brilliantly as Titanic it does not really matter.
1997
I have a confession to make. Hidden very, very, VERY deep down inside of me is a hopeless romantic who rarely sees the light of day. This said romantic only comes out when out when a love story is so beautiful you can’t help but go “Aw.” Only three movies have had this effect on me. One is Say Anything. Second, The Nightmare Before Christmas. The third, Titanic.
Before we go into anything, I must tell you this. THE BOAT SINKS. Okay? If you didn’t know that, you don’t have enough brains to deserve to live. I’m sorry.
Anywho, the story begins with this ancient lady discovering that a drawing has been found from the ship Titanic. It’s of a naked lady. So she calls the people who found it and tells them it was her. As she gets on the boat and meets up with the people, she launches into a three hour story of what happened aboard the Titanic.
Rose is a society girl destined to be married to a horrible, and might I add ugly, rich man. She doesn’t love him, so decides to jump off the edge of the Titanic. But! She’s not alone! Jack, a poor but amazing guy who only is here because he won his ticket in a hand of poker, is right behind her. He tells her not to jump and eventually saves her life. He’s invited to dinner with her family and before you know it! They’re in love. Aw.
They have loads of fun like dancing with the lower class people, pretending to fly, learning to spit, and been drawn naked. Well almost. She was wearing the really big and expensive necklace her fiancée gave her.
But then, of course, the stupid people don’t have stupid binoculars and they hit the stupid iceberg and the stupid boat begins to sink. It’s all rather stupid.
While the ship starts to sink Rose’s stupid family think Jack has stolen the necklace and has him locked up in the basement. Then everyone heads to the boats. Poor Jack.
The boats are women and children only so Rose and her mom get ready to go. But Rose realizes she can’t leave Jack. She loves him. Yay! I don’t care how illogical of a choice that is it makes me happy. She goes and saves Jack from the perilous basement. After fighting their way up, they find another boat, which is, again, women and children only. Rose gets on, looks at Jack, and leaps back. This made Rose, not the character, the real person sitting next to me the whole time, rather annoyed, but it made me feel pretty dandy!
The boat goes down. Jack dies from freezing water. *Sniff. Rose survives because he gave her the piece of ship and she was out of the water.
In the end, back with old Rose, we find out she still has the necklace, the priceless, necklace. And you know what she does with it? SHE DROPS IT IN THE OCEAN! Where is it now? At the bottom of the ocean? With Britney Spears? (If you get that, you rock) Rose is an idiot.
But she ends up dying, and goes to heaven, were she is reunited with Jack. The end.
I loved this movie. It’s a rare movie that can be over three hours long and not feel like it. The technicals of the movie, ie cinematography, special effects, are beautiful. The Titanic is dazzling in the movie. The chemistry between Kate Winslet, Rose, and Leonardo DiCaprio, Jack, is perfect. The whole movie was just really good.
It is a rare movie, for me, that is about romance and enjoyable. I don’t really know why, but even though Rose and Jack knew each other only two days, it seemed believable and lovely. For just this once I don’t particularly care if it’s unrealistic. When it’s done as brilliantly as Titanic it does not really matter.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
The Greatest Show on Earth
The Greatest Show on Earth
1952
Clowns are plotting to take over the world and probably kill everyone whilst at it. It’s a true story. Why else would they always be smiling? They have awful jobs! They have to trip, cram themselves into tiny cars, and smash pies into their friend’s faces on a regular basis. If this was your existence, would you my friend be smiling? No. You’d cry daily and be in therapy. But not clowns. No, because they are coming to take over the entire world!!!!!!!
I hate clowns. They freak me out. Guess where you find clowns? At a circus! Guess what The Greatest Show on Earth is about? A circus, right! But the main clown wasn’t too creepy. He was only a clown because he randomly killed his girlfriend out of love. No. Not creepy at all. He just proves the clown theory.
Anyway, this movie is about the inner drama of a circus. We have our three main lovers, Manager Man, Trapeze Lady, and Trapeze Man. They had real names but no one ever remembers the names of the circus people, just what they do, so it’s all good. Manager Man and Trapeze Lady had this thing going. Sorta. See Manager Man has no feelings at all and only cares about the circus. This drives Trapeze Lady crazy.
Because no one really likes the circus, they bring in this crazy daredevil, Trapeze Man, and he steals Trapeze Lady’s center ring. So they every night perform in separate rings at the same time, having a competition for the crowds love and applause. As time pass the Trapeze People fall in love.
Manager Man kind of does not like this, but mainly does not mind. Because he is a big feelingless jerk. He doesn’t notice during all of this time that Elephant Trainer Lady likes him. Poor ETL.
So more time passes and one night while not over a net Trapeze Man falls and nearly dies. The show goes on. He comes back with a dead hand. But don’t worry! All’s well because he and Trapeze Lady love each other! They are a cute couple honestly. I truly like them. Which is a big clue they aren’t going to last in the end. The couples I like never end up working out. You have no idea how upsetting this is for my life. But I digress.
Everything continues to continue and Manager Man finally notices Elephant Trainer Lady likes him! So now they love each other. Everything’s good right?
Wrong.
ETL has a crazy ex boyfriend who tried to have an elephant stomp on her head. That was actually kinda funny… Anyway! He decided to blow up the circus train in revenge. So now the train is crashed and Manager Man is hurt. Right before this the Trapeze couple became engaged! It went like this.
Trapeze Man: Someone’s gonna get married!
Trapeze Lady: Who?
Trapeze Man: You!
I kid you not. I love Trapeze Man. But unfortantely now Manager Man is hurt so Trapeze Lady loves him again. The circus people decide to hold a circus in the field as they have no tent anymore. AND! And, get this. Trapeze Man asks Elephant Trainer Lady to marry him. She says yes. The end.
WORST ENDING EVER.
I know that reason and love keep little company these days but this is ridiculous. How can you switch from loving one person to someone completely different overnight and think it’s a good idea to get married? How is that even slightly logical to anyone? It’s not at all. It’s something that would only happen in an overdramatic 50’s movie.
Which this happens to be. The acting is unrealistically dramatic. The ending is atrocious. Nothing goes at all the way it would in real life. You might be saying, “Well duh Kelsey, that’s why we watch movies to escape reality.” Sure. Fine.
Whatever. They should still not be CRAZY improbable. The only thing that happened that I can actually see playing out in real life is that Buttons the clown finally went to jail. Which is actually sad, even though he’s a creepy clown killer. That’s how messed up this movie was.
And besides all that, this movie had way too much circus in it. Like you actually watched the same trapeze acts over and over again. Or you saw the same clowns perform. And the same people sing. It was just at a different city this time. It was incredibly boring when they went into these parts. I mean you don’t watch a movie to see a circus, you want a story, and I kept getting twenty minute breaks from the story.
For these reasons, and the fact that clowns are trying to kill us all, I would say that The Greatest Show on Earth is a very misleading title for this insanely odd movie.
1952
Clowns are plotting to take over the world and probably kill everyone whilst at it. It’s a true story. Why else would they always be smiling? They have awful jobs! They have to trip, cram themselves into tiny cars, and smash pies into their friend’s faces on a regular basis. If this was your existence, would you my friend be smiling? No. You’d cry daily and be in therapy. But not clowns. No, because they are coming to take over the entire world!!!!!!!
I hate clowns. They freak me out. Guess where you find clowns? At a circus! Guess what The Greatest Show on Earth is about? A circus, right! But the main clown wasn’t too creepy. He was only a clown because he randomly killed his girlfriend out of love. No. Not creepy at all. He just proves the clown theory.
Anyway, this movie is about the inner drama of a circus. We have our three main lovers, Manager Man, Trapeze Lady, and Trapeze Man. They had real names but no one ever remembers the names of the circus people, just what they do, so it’s all good. Manager Man and Trapeze Lady had this thing going. Sorta. See Manager Man has no feelings at all and only cares about the circus. This drives Trapeze Lady crazy.
Because no one really likes the circus, they bring in this crazy daredevil, Trapeze Man, and he steals Trapeze Lady’s center ring. So they every night perform in separate rings at the same time, having a competition for the crowds love and applause. As time pass the Trapeze People fall in love.
Manager Man kind of does not like this, but mainly does not mind. Because he is a big feelingless jerk. He doesn’t notice during all of this time that Elephant Trainer Lady likes him. Poor ETL.
So more time passes and one night while not over a net Trapeze Man falls and nearly dies. The show goes on. He comes back with a dead hand. But don’t worry! All’s well because he and Trapeze Lady love each other! They are a cute couple honestly. I truly like them. Which is a big clue they aren’t going to last in the end. The couples I like never end up working out. You have no idea how upsetting this is for my life. But I digress.
Everything continues to continue and Manager Man finally notices Elephant Trainer Lady likes him! So now they love each other. Everything’s good right?
Wrong.
ETL has a crazy ex boyfriend who tried to have an elephant stomp on her head. That was actually kinda funny… Anyway! He decided to blow up the circus train in revenge. So now the train is crashed and Manager Man is hurt. Right before this the Trapeze couple became engaged! It went like this.
Trapeze Man: Someone’s gonna get married!
Trapeze Lady: Who?
Trapeze Man: You!
I kid you not. I love Trapeze Man. But unfortantely now Manager Man is hurt so Trapeze Lady loves him again. The circus people decide to hold a circus in the field as they have no tent anymore. AND! And, get this. Trapeze Man asks Elephant Trainer Lady to marry him. She says yes. The end.
WORST ENDING EVER.
I know that reason and love keep little company these days but this is ridiculous. How can you switch from loving one person to someone completely different overnight and think it’s a good idea to get married? How is that even slightly logical to anyone? It’s not at all. It’s something that would only happen in an overdramatic 50’s movie.
Which this happens to be. The acting is unrealistically dramatic. The ending is atrocious. Nothing goes at all the way it would in real life. You might be saying, “Well duh Kelsey, that’s why we watch movies to escape reality.” Sure. Fine.
Whatever. They should still not be CRAZY improbable. The only thing that happened that I can actually see playing out in real life is that Buttons the clown finally went to jail. Which is actually sad, even though he’s a creepy clown killer. That’s how messed up this movie was.
And besides all that, this movie had way too much circus in it. Like you actually watched the same trapeze acts over and over again. Or you saw the same clowns perform. And the same people sing. It was just at a different city this time. It was incredibly boring when they went into these parts. I mean you don’t watch a movie to see a circus, you want a story, and I kept getting twenty minute breaks from the story.
For these reasons, and the fact that clowns are trying to kill us all, I would say that The Greatest Show on Earth is a very misleading title for this insanely odd movie.
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