Going My Way

Going My Way
1944

You want to know a super cool but super secrety secret?

CHRISTMAS IS IN THREE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, I guess that isn't much of a secret, but still. It's flippin' awesome.

Now that I have that out of my system, we can continue.

You know what is not as cool as Christmas? Well, like everything, but I was thinking in this particular case Going My Way. It doesn’t even come close to being as extremely awesome. In fact it’s rather lame. Boring even. Dreadfully so.

This is a story about a Father. Father O’Malley. He sings. He loves to sing, and play baseball, and all sorts of other things that drive his head father man guy thing crazy. This grumpy old father is named Father Fitzgibbon, which is like the most ridiculous name in the entire world. But he’s Irish so I will forgive him.

At the church they work in, a rather horrible thing is about to happen. The bank man, who looks exactly like the mean bank man from It’s a Wonderful Life, but isn’t which is completely weird and non related (Maybe all evil bank guys look the same. Maybe they are all clones! It’s a conspiracy), is trying to foreclose on them because they have been not paying their mortgage. But Father O’Malley has a plan! He decides to write a song and get the neighborhood gang in on it as a boy choir. It’s destined to be an amazing hit called, “Going My Way.”

But, the studio didn’t like it. Not one bit. Oh well I suppose that’s life. To mourn, or just get over their rejection, the choir and father sing a song about not wanting to be a donkey, or something like that. The studio man heard it and loved it! They have the money now!

And then the church burns down. Teehee. Oh I am sorry, that is totally not funny at all. I meant to say it’s terribly tragic.

It’s okay because eventually they start construction on a new church after Father O’Malley’s old girlfriend sends in a ton of money on their Christmas Eve service. She is an opera star and took the gang choir on tour with her. Everyone is happy, including grumpy father, who got to see his mommy finally after 45 years. Oh and Father O’Malley is randomly transferred to a new church. The End.

This movie made me sleepy. One reason it did that was because there was not a single attractive person in this movie. It was so depressing. Why would you want to watch a two hour movie if there is no one pretty to stare at? It’s seems like a waste of time if you ask me. Also, the movie had too many ridiculous subplots. I only mentioned about half of them above. The others were just not all that important to the total plot I suppose. That all said this movie had its moments. Like when the two gang guys were slapping each other. Or the basket of puppies. Oh my gosh. You haven’t seen cute puppies since you have seen these ones. So it wasn’t all a complete waste of time

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas, and I hope very much it is much more entertaining than this movie!

Patton

Patton
1970

I’m going to let you in on a secret from me
It’s rather odd, soon you will see.
I have this addiction to rhyme,
I could even do it on a lime!
“Oh lime, of the shade green,
You really are pretty keen.”
See look at that! Wasn’t it grand?
Now let’s get on to this movie about a man.

Patton was this dude’s name,
Being annoying was his game.
He was a general in the army,
And he really wasn’t charmy.
Yes I made up that word.
It’s pretty much the coolest thing I have ever heard.

Anywho let’s continue with this jerk.
He really was a piece of work.
He slapped a soldier right in the face!
He thought he deserved it, he was wrong in this case.
This got him in trouble, oh quite a lot
But even so he still fought.
Eventually people got fed up with him.
They made him stay back it was really dim.
Then they got over it, and asked for him back.
And then he was allowed to attack.

BAM! ZAM! POW!
The war was over now!
But Patton our man
Who didn’t need a tan
Was still ever mean
And called a Russian, who was not lean,
A name which I shall not repeat here,
For it is not something you would endear.
But he realized he was the same as that name,
And he took a drink with the Russian, all the same.

He nearly was run over by a cart,
Which really should have happened right from the start.
But I had no luck, he walked away for a mile,
And then went to live on for a while.

That is the jist of it.
The man Patton was not much of a hit.
He was ugly and rude, and way too strict
And really, he made me quite ticked.
Therefore, even though funny it could be
This is a movie I would never re-see.